Forgive Them Lord

[Garth]

As Jesus said "Forgive them Lord for they know not what they do". I think you could say this every time your child has a temper tantrum. Basically they have temporarily lost consciousness. A form of insanity if you will. The solution is never to give in or even ignor them though you should while they are occurring. The solution is to make your child aware or conscious of their own behavior. Talk to them after the fact and encourage them to label and describe in as much detail as they can the experience and feelings they had during the event. If you wish get them to describe the temper tantrum as a "monster" that processes them and takes over their entire being both physically and mentally. Where does he or she live in their body? Where does it live when your not having a tantrum? What does it look like? What does it eat? Does it go to sleep? They might even draw a picture of the monster and what it feels like to lose control to the monster and be overwhelmed by anger and frustration. If you can get them to become aware of what they were feeling and their behavior just before the tantrum takes place, they may learn to stop the tantrum before it occurs by witnessing the event before it even happens. Also be honest with them. In case they haven't noticed, and you can be pretty sure they have, mommy and daddy have temper tantrums too!

[Garth]

You make a good point Eric. Yesterday I was walking along the beach with my sister's dog. I came upon a little boy about seven crying for no apparent reason. I boldly approached him and asked him if he wanted to pet my dog. Suddenly the crying stoped and he became joyful as he focused on the dog and not his thoughts. He just stoped thinking about what was making him unhappy! He went from being unconscious to conscious by becoming present. He became aware. It is really that easy to go from the drama of a temper tantrum to the joy and inner peace of living. Or as it says in the Bible "Be still and know I am God". Wow! What a transformation can take place when you just stop thinking and just be.

[Vikinggene]

I think defining tantrum could vary as well. We call what we think of as a tantrum, a meltdown. Not really using the term tantrum in our family. A meltdown is a frayed child, who's spinning out of control and not likely to catch themselves. Ours are usually crying or screaming, sometimes trembling. Holding them settles them best. I can tell the difference in the nuclear explosions, which are rare, and a manipulative battle of wills or an outburst of anger. I've had the former, drift off to sleep in my arms. They don't have an ounce of energy left for self-control.

What I see as a meltdown doesn't really have any damages, other than the self-destructive behavior and a worn parent. They melt like a snowman in front of your eyes, and are oblivious to their surroundings. Meltdowns aren't punished, but they're not rewarded either. If you've had one, you're going to lie down and rest.

We don't normally see this in preschool kids either. We teach use your words, not your anger, and give warnings. This might be handled much like Eric notes. Punishment may follow based upon what transpired. I find kids, who have limited vocabulary at the youngest ages are the most prone to the emotional breakdown version.

[Samantha]

One advantage of being step mom, I missed the full on temper tantrum years.

Well, mostly. Kelly has had a couple meltdowns and definitely thrown a fit or two.

[Samantha]

Gee thanks

[Samantha]

Sigh...

Hairbrush is there for a reason