Breaking Your Child’s Will

[Garth]

I have read in some Christian child rearing books that you have to break a child’s will when you discipline them. I think this means you have to cause enough pain for the child when you spank them that they truly repent for their misbehaviour. I think most kids do repent no matter the severity of the spanking. Usually the fact they know that they have disappointed their parents is enough. Crying is however usually part of the spanking ordeal. Parents usually know when a child’s will has been broken by the cry. I don’t think this takes too long as most kids learn to submit to the spanking without fighting it as they grow older and become more mature. The cry of defiance or for dramatic purposes seems different than one of submission and acceptance. This is when I think the child’s will has been broken if you want to call it that. You can usually measure this by their attitude and behaviour after the spanking which is one of humility and surrender.

[Anymouse]

On the converse, crying out loud is often discouraged or seen as inappropriate for boys in some places. But one might still see tears and hear some reactions of pain, and that is going to be genuine for sure.

[Nicholas]

Our sons usually start the water works before the spanking. We know that when their cries change from I'm sorry I got caught to I'm sorry for the misdeed.

[JohnB]

I think sensible parent appreciate the difference between real tears and crocodile tears and can easily judge when their child is suitablely contrite and the spanking can end

[Alex]

I don't like the idea of breaking a child's will. That being said, I do understand those parents who feel that being stoic and just keeping quiet could be seen as an act of defiance, especially from boys. In reality even a 'silent' response is normally not silent, just quieter, a grunt, or sharp intake of breath, a tensing of the body etc are all typical reactions and should not be read as defiance.

Alex

[Tissueman]

We never spanked to break the child's will. We spanked to provide an unpleasant reminder that certain behavior would not be tolerated. The crying was from the spanking itself and usually ended within a few minutes of the end of the spanking.

[Ann]

I am familiar with the term and the idea. It sounds a bit distasteful, but I fully support the concept. We spank until we feel/hear/see the child has surrendered. It's not just about feeling bad for the action, it's about acceptance and peace.