Being Nonjudgmental

[Garth]

A child psychologist told me once that we were not expected to be nonjudgmental when it came to our own kids. On the other hand God expects us not to judge anyone and show complete acceptance. This is not always so easy to do with kids. Not taking your children's behavior personally at times can be quite a challenge. On the other hand if we can detach ourselves from their behavior, view it as if you were a third party or a witness to it; atonement and forgiveness will be so much easier. Separating your self from your child's behavior emotionally does not mean you do not care for them or love them. The bonding will still take place if you are compassionate when you punish them and reassure them it is not the real them that is being spanked which is always loved by you and God, but only their bad behavior which can never be acceptable.

[Ranger_Rick]

With our kids we need to be discerning which many confuse for being judgmental. Setting rules and routines based on observations and potential problems we see in our children is not being judgmental. When they are old enough to understand and make choices knowing the possible consequences we have the choice to advise them or let them learn from their mistakes. This again is using discernment. The choice I'd make would vary from child to child depending on their own ability to weigh the risks and make a good choice. For example, Austin is very adventuresome and will often take risks just to see what happens. Aaron usually thinks things through before acting and will try to encourage his brother to do the same. "If I do ______ it might be fun but if I get caught, I'll end up over dad's knee or get hit by a bus etc," I would be more likely to allow natural consequences with Aaron and counsel Austin reminding him of the things he won't think of himself.

Now if I were to forbid the twins from being friends with Sam because I think he has to long of hair or look down on one boy because his grades aren't as good as another even though he's doing his best that would be judgmental and definatly wrong.

I like what you say about trying to see the situations like a 3rd person. I think that would be very helpful in many situations. Sometimes we over react or under react to things with our own kids we may overlook in others. I think this is mostly because it may make us look bad and it's a pride issue.

Finally when I spank or punish the boys (my daughter loses her phone) it's over. They are forgiven and unless restitution of some sort is warranted it's like it never happened. I'm not the best at expressing myself as some I see here are but I hope you can get what I'm saying.

[Dave]

Rick,

I think that was very well said indeed! I agree 100% and I applaud you for inspiring us to think about the distinction between discernment and judgement. I also think you were very discerning in your comment that sometimes we react inappropriately to a situation mostly due to pride or our concerns about what we image are others perceptions of us and our family. I know that is, more often that I would like to admit, true for me.

[Tissueman]

Well said, Rick.